


I'm a Mess

by Yoan_Amara



Series: Love Song Series [31]
Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Bittersweet, Bromance, Brotherhood, Confusional Arousals, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Nightmare, Teasing, a bit Crack in the End, delirious, parasomnia - Freeform, sleep-walking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 06:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoan_Amara/pseuds/Yoan_Amara
Summary: Taken place after chapter 91 (Water Tribe / Nadai Arc). After tremendous encounter with Soo Won, on that night Yona goes to sleep with Hak in the smallest tent, switching place with Yun who will sleep with the other Four in the larger tent. Though, when Yona wakes up on the midnight, she finds Hak has disappeared and she goes looking for him outside along with Shina, Kija and Jae Ha. Jae Ha has to sit down and calm Hak down after they find Hak is sleepwalking.





	I'm a Mess

“Hak, it’s alright, I’m alright...”, Yona lowers her head further and narrows her eyes, touching Hak’s bloodied hand and furrowing her eyebrows, whispering weakly “so please, just stop this...”.

After Yona feels his rage is dying down as Hak’s hand drops to his side and he goes slack, Yona warily lifts her head up and her eyes widen. She gasps and feels her chest tightened at the sight of his tears. Hak blinks away his tears before collapsing forward. Before his body hits the ground though, Jae Ha catches Hak. Yun approaches them and quickly gives first aid treatment to Hak before they go back to the inn, only to take their belongings before they set the campsite. Yona wears a hole, walking back and forth and keeps staring to the tent anxiously where Yun is treating Hak’s wounds right now. The other Four also keep silence as they do the daily chores they can do for now, not knowing what to do or say.

Yun flips the tent closed behind him, cleaning his bloodied hand after treat Hak’s wound for about 2 hours, one half hours only to stop his bleeding and the remaining is to wrap bandages etc. “the wounds on his chest is just a scratch, but the one on his hand is rather deep. He lost too much blood, but he’ll be fine”.

All of them feel relieved and grateful for that, though their tension hasn’t vanished yet, just like the somber moods hanging on the air.

Yun starts treating Jae Ha’s and Kija’s wounds, complaining about the swollen and bruises that will appear very soon on their body though their wounds are nothing compared to Hak’s wounds “so... who’s going to sleep with him tonight, then?”.

Yona volunteers to sleep with Hak tonight because she’s so damn worried sick of him. The others don’t complain, even Kija who usually will complain when it comes to Jae Ha’s crack on daily circumstances, says nothing this time. Before Yona comes into tent, Yun tells her that he has given the pain-killer and sleeping drugs to Hak and maybe he’ll be, more or less, a bit lucid due to hallucination, side-effect of the sleeping drugs before asking her one more time, does she really sure that she will sleep with Hak tonight despite his delirious state and Yona nods her head with determined eyes before she comes into the tent. When Yona comes into the tent, she finds Hak’s awake and she sits beside him, asking him prodding questions about how does he feel. After she gets nothing as his answer, she suggesting him to sleep and rest. When Hak reaches his hand out to her, she unintentionally flinches and shifts backwards a foot away from him.

Lowering his hand down, Hak smiles bitterly after he finds her pulling away from him _“oh. Now she’s scared of me. Perfect”_.

Knowing she has made a mistake and thinking how he must have felt hurt from his pained expression, Yona reaches her hand “ah, I’m so sorry, Hak. I don’t mean—”.

“do not touch me”, he doesn’t mean to be cold, simply losing control as he covers his eyes under his palm. Doesn’t want to listen to whatever she’s about to say, Hak rolls to his side, laying down before losing his control further “...if you scared, needn’t to bother yourself with stay here. Leave me alone”.

“Hak—”.

Without looking back, he hides his eyes under his uninjured arm and sounds so desperate “princess, please... I’m tired...”.

Peeking closely from above, looking down warily to his unmoved figure which Hak closes his eyes and sinks into his deep slumber, apparently sleeping from his even breathing. She sighs heavily and curses herself inwardly about her stupidity _“Yona, you dummy!? Why did you flinch just now? Hak would never hurt you!?”_.

After pulling the blanket to cover Hak up to his shoulders, Yona caresses his head before laying down behind him. Closing her eyes, she reaches her hand out and touches the back of his kimono, trying to get some sleep, lulled to her deep slumber by his steady heartbeat and his body heat. Hak half-opens his eyes as he feels her hand on his back before he closes his eyes too, sinking to his deep slumber for real this time. Later after midnight, Yona stirs awake and she feels the warmth of her sleeping-comrade no longer she can feel. When she opens her eyes, she’s surprised to find Hak disappears.

When Hak comes out of the tent, Shina who has stayed up on guard-duty knows Hak’s leaving but he says nothing, thinking that Hak just wants to take a leak or something so Shina just lets him be, watching Hak from far distance while sitting down near the campfire. Soon, he feels worried of Hak. Somehow, he remembers of when Hak has woken up with pale face due to nightmare that night. As if they can feel their brothers’ worry, Jae Ha and Kija come out of the tent, asking him about what upset him and join him on the campfire. Jae Ha even has a bottle of liquor on his hand. Before Shina has the chance to tell them, Yona rushes out of the smaller tent.

Looking to three startled dragons, Yona approaches them, panicked “have you seen where’s Hak? He’s gone already when I woke up?!”.

Shina tells them about Hak’s condition as they go to pursue Hak “I’m so sorry... I should have stopped him... or told Yona when he went...”.

Kija assures his little brother to just focus on lead them to where Hak’s gone “it’s not entirely your fault, Shina. It’s just Hak isn’t on his right mind”.

Shina lifts his finger to where he sees Hak walking “there”.

If they were late for a second, Hak would surely fall to the river which leading to the waterfall. Jae Ha hastily leaps and catches him in time before Hak falls. Groaning in pain, Jae Ha sits back, holding Hak on his arms.

“gotcha”, realizing Hak is still sleeping, Jae Ha turns to Yona and his dragon brothers “...guys, looks like he’s sleepwalking?”.

“again?”, Shina quickly covers his mouth “...I mean...”.

Kija narrows his eyes “again? You mean this is not the first?”.

Shrinking under stares of the others, Shina tells them that he has caught Hak’s sleepwalking once “...I’m so sorry, but Hak asked me to not tell you all”.

Hak stirs awake, rubbing his eyes and his pounding head “huh? Where am I?”.

“Hak”, Yona firmly demands “what Shina said just now about he found out you’re sleepwalking, when did it happen?”.

Realizing he must have had his sleepwalking again and he has been caught by them, Hak turns his eyes to avoid eyes-contact in shame “...after our battlefield against the Fire Tribe troops on Kuuto”.

 _“after I saw that traitor”_ , Yona feels that words behind his answer even though Hak doesn’t say it out loud. She feels her anger emerging on her chest “why did you not say something to us?!”.

 _“even to me?”_ , Hak feels that words behind her words but instead because it’s her, he can’t tell her at all, like the hell he would tell her about the vivid image of Yona asking him to stop and to not kill Soo Won just now emerging on his mind “does it important? it’s not your business and it’s not important for you to know it”.

Yona doesn’t believe what she has heard “it’s important for me to know when it might hurt you?! do you think if we didn’t find you in time just now, what would happen to you?”.

“why should you care? I’m nothing but just a tool?!”, as if bursting forth his inner thoughts, Hak snaps but when he looks up to her shocked expression, Hak apologizes before standing. Stubbornly refuses Jae Ha’s support, Hak turns away without looking to them, staggering as he walking deeper to the woods “sorry, I shouldn’t have to... it’s fine... I’m fine... just leave me alone...”.

“Hak!”, Yona feels her words stuck on her throat _“_ _at least, let me help you”_.

“Yona dear”, Jae Ha gently touches her shoulder, shaking his head “men have two kind disillusionment, one who would arise after being comforted by their beloved one, one who would feel more frustrated than before”.

Looking behind, Yona lifts her eyes to Jae Ha, holding back her tears “but... what should I do?”.

“leave us. I’ve got this”, Jae Ha lifts his forefinger to his mouth and offers reassuring smile. After asking Kija and Shina to bring Yona back to the tent and waiting for them, Shina and Kija trust Jae Ha to keep Hak safe and bring him back before they’re going back to the campsite with Yona. Looking to where Hak has gone, Jae Ha walks forward until he finds Hak standing on the grass field. Jae Ha sighs in relief before sauntering to where Hak is standing “people said, usually when someone who have no place to go home nor purpose looking at the scenery on the cold night like this, it will make them feel like want to die”.

“you’re right”, looking up to the starry night, Hak huffs a white breath “it’s too cold tonight, too good for people to die”.

Jae Ha scratches his nape thoughtfully “listen, I know we’re not in the mood to joke at all... Alas, it seemed I stuck my nose in too far but you have to know, I was just—”.

“I know, I understand what you’re trying to protect... just barely, if I killed Soo Won, maybe it would break princess’ heart, so thank you for stopping me”.

Jae Ha doesn’t expect that at all. He’s ready to receive Hak’s anger or spite but this? what’s more, what did he say about that King’s death will break Yona’s heart, how could he say that? In fact, Jae Ha tried to protect Hak’s life, that’s why he has to stop him. So, what made him thinking that way?

“but you do angry to us, right?”, Jae Ha tries his luck “look, if you’re angry to us for stopping you, we understand but please, don’t blame Kija or Yona dear. Just blame me, because I was the one who had stopped you first”.

“not at all, I’m not angry to you guys...”, Hak turns to him “but do me a favor, if you want me to forgive you”.

Somehow, the way Hak look at him right now, tightens his chest and Jae Ha gulps nervously “and what is it?”.

“promise me, protect her no matter what, protect her better than me”, without Hak tells him out loud, not that they never think about it too, they know someday this has to be put in the end, to bring what’s right to Yona, to bring back what Yona needed, to bring back the throne to its rightful heir, there will be a bloodshed and sacrifice will be needed, like it or not. Hak looks straight to Jae Ha as he asking him “if something happened to me, only all of you who would able to save her”.

“what do you mean?”, Jae Ha’s vibrant voice betrays his unusual stern expression “no, I refuse. I don’t want to make a promise that sounded like your death wish, Hak?! Or what is it? Are you gonna leave her?!”.

“it’s not that I have planned that I’m going to leave her, at all. I’m not going to leave her side, ever... but maybe I’ll do if it’s needed to protect her from myself”, lowering his head down further, Hak turns his back facing Jae Ha “...she’s afraid of me”.

“she’s not?! She’s just too shocked?!”.

“enough, leave me alone... I’m too tired to argue...”, Hak sits down, his bangs masking his expression “she’ll be fine with you guys by her side. I am only obstacle for her, maybe... It would be better if I weren’t here with you all, damn it”.

Jae Ha pulls Hak up by the collar, attempting to punch him but when he looks straight to those sapphire eyes which looks so sad and blank for the first time on Jae Ha’s eyes like the melting ice, as if he’s ready to cry, Jae Ha pulls Hak into his tight embrace instead “...I will pretend I don’t see a thing”.

“let go...”, Hak growls, struggling on Jae Ha’s arms to no avail “let me go!?”.

“not this time?! I wouldn’t let you go, not even if it means you will beat me black and blue?!”, Jae Ha has to sit down and calm Hak down. Still refuse to let him go, Jae Ha tells Hak about Gigan’s grandson, Yang Yue. He is Yang Kum Ji’s son with Gigan’s daughter and he had passed away 6 years ago when he was only 19 years old, the same age with Hak when he met Hak and so many resemblance Hak has with Yang Yue makes Jae Ha thinking like he has his brother back. Holding Hak tightly on his arms as if Hak’ll disappear when he doesn’t hold him tightly, Jae Ha restrains his tears with all his might “as annoying, meany and frustrating you could be sometimes, I couldn’t help it. I really mean it when I said I always think of you as little brother. That’s why... never ever say that it would be better if you weren’t here with us...”.

Feeling Jae Ha’s trembling body and vibrant voice, Hak hugs him back before telling him that he really wants to kill Soo Won with his own hand because he doesn’t want to let Soo Won be killed by anyone, by someone else who isn’t himself, not Hak, his closest friend “he was my friend... but why... WHY?!”.

“everything’s gonna be alright. Everything’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be a good life, I promise”, Jae Ha can’t find the right words but trying to reassure him. Looking down to Hak sadly, Jae Ha sighs after he finds Hak’s sleeping already, quickly wiping his tears “the darkness inside yourself almost kill your light, huh?”.

Jae Ha never expects this to happen. Twice. He really mean it when he said he thought Yang Yue as his own little brother.

Jae Ha even willingly let his first love, the woman that he and his brother loved, go to leave him because she has chosen Yang Yue as someone she loved. Jae Ha didn’t mind at all, as long as those two could be happy, the woman she loved and his little brother. But after that, tragically their love has to end and Jae Ha lost two precious people of his life. Yang Kum Ji’s subordinates kidnapped that woman to sell her to Kai Empire and Yang Yue tried to safe her, but they were killed when they wanted to run away.

Had Gigan not been there with him to support him, maybe Jae Ha would have followed them to the other side due to that drugs.

“...if you and Yona dear ended up like that too, I would never forgive you two”, lowering his head and leaning forward, Jae Ha kisses Hak’s forehead. Jae Ha hears something slamming hardly to the bark of tree and he finds Kija, looking straight to him with his shocked, pale face and his back pressing on the tree “...oh my, did you see it, Kija?”.

(Actually, in the halfway, Kija felt worried, so he asked Shina to bring Yona back to the campsite while he would go to follow Jae Ha but Yona followed him instead. The three of them hid behind the bushes when they had found Hak and Jae Ha standing on the grass field and they heard whatever Hak and Jae Ha have been talking about from the first place, since Jae Ha simply blurted out that gallows joke about why people feel like want to die on the cold night like this. He realized how Yona had teared up and instantly felt upset when they saw how broken Hak had been as he screamed out loud his heart on Jae Ha’s arms, only due to the side-effect of the sleeping drugs so he asked Shina to bring Yona back to the campsite. This time Yona did not resist. Kija watched Hak and Jae Ha after that, but he didn’t expect to see ‘that’, at all).

Kija shakes his head “no, no, no, no, I am not?!”.

“you’re really a bad liar, Kija”, Jae Ha smirks dangerously and rises after he laying Hak down on the ground. Slamming his hand on the tree beside Kija’s head, Jae Ha offers his usual gentle smile, cupping Kija’s face and leaning his face closer to his ear “I prefer it if you do not tell anyone, especially Yona dear, or I will attack you worse than what you saw just now”.

On other word, if Kija dared to tell anyone about what he just witnessed just now, Jae Ha would attack him with worse way than what he had seen, that Jae Ha kissed Hak’s forehead just now.

“I swear I wouldn’t tell anyone?!”, Kija feels the goosebumps and chilling on his nape, pushing Jae Ha and attempting to hit him using his dragon claw “could you just... keep a distance with me before I hit you with my fist, please!?”.

“I still want to live, of course”, Jae Ha dryly chuckles before he, like Kija has asked, keeps the distance with staying away from him. Carrying Hak piggyback-ride on his back, Jae Ha reassures him that he will not attack or eat Kija “let’s go back to the campsite, Yona dear maybe worried sick”.

Hesitantly, Kija follows Jae Ha but still keeping his distance with him “...Jae Ha”.

Jae Ha hums “what is it?”.

“what do you mean with you would not forgive princess and Hak if they ended up like that too?”.

Jae Ha turns his head, contemplating “...for not be happy. If they can be happy together, I’ll do what I can to make them happy, rather than suffering and broken like this”.

Kija loses at words, silently following Jae Ha back to the campsite and wondering just how long Hak has restrained his demons and how deep his wounds until he’s enraged and shattered like that. After Jae Ha has put Hak back to the smaller tent, Jae Ha goes to the bigger tent to sleep after hastily emptying his liquor in one big swig, leaving only Kija with Shina near the campfire. Like the hell Kija can go back to sleep, not after what he has seen.

Shina taps Kija’s shoulder encouragingly “...I thought it’s alright, because... from what I saw as long as I lived on the village... a father or mother usually kissed his son’s forehead when their son would sleep, so it’s totally fine, right?”.

Kija shakes his head before hugging Shina, teared up a little and hoping Jae Ha will stop tease him and Shina “ah, Shina... you’re really innocence and pure...”.

Meanwhile on the smaller tent, Yona can’t go sleep without thinking what she has seen just now.

“forgive me, Hak... I’m such an idiot and selfish...”, Yona feels guilty still piercing her heart, she should have known it, how could she have failed him? Yona slides her bangs behind her ear before leaning down to kiss Hak’s eyelids and forehead, blinking away her tears _“please... please, God... please_ _heal_ _all of Hak’s wounds...”._

In the bigger tent, Jae Ha closes his eyes, thinking that they’re in such a big mess _“_ _or more exactly, I’m a mess”_.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact :  
> When I wrote this, my twin sister also read this and she commented  
> My sis : just on the forehead? Why not on the lips? Just for fun, why not make Jae Ha kiss him on the lips? *smirk_devilishly  
> Me : Hell no?! because I couldn’t write it without getting the goosebumps?! (which means I would get the goosebumps when I tried to write it, well duh -_- ).  
> Second reason is, I’ll save Hak’s lips and Jae Ha’s lips for Yona on my other story *smile_innocently


End file.
